Another Evil of PTSD

Another Evil of PTSD
This article was originally published April 3, 2012 on the old blog

Another evil of PTSD is depression. It's not always present and can be controlled for some by medication.
I hate depression. It rips life from a person and steals tears from its miss-perceived victims. Depression can take a beautiful day and make it cloudy, gloomy, and undesirable. It has much company when it takes root in one's soul; for it invites anger, sadness, and self loathing with it. These rascally fiends take over and throw a misery party showcasing every wrong move, thought, word spoken, or deed done in the past. Their heart wrenching film plays over and over until the unassuming audience has become completely trapped by its clutches.
Depression is a beastly evil of PTSD.

Depression is one of the most commonly occurring disorders in PTSD. In fact, it has been found that among people who have or have had a diagnosis of PTSD, approximately 48% also had current or past depression. People who have had PTSD at some point in their life are almost 7 times as likely as people without PTSD to also have depression. Another study found that 44.5% of people with PTSD one month after experiencing a traumatic event also had a diagnosis of depression.

For more information on how PTSD and depression could be linked click here.
For another view on depression click here.Click Me, Click Me!
So, the question is, how does someone with depression associated with PTSD cope? PRAYER! A lot of Prayer!!
On this roller coaster ride we call life, there are always rainbows after every storm. We have to choose to see the rainbow instead of the destruction that the storm left in its wake. It's also a lot easier to write about it than to put it into practice, by the way ;-)

I need a game plan. I need to figure out why I stop wanting to take part in life. The Lord and I are the only two that can work together on this giant feat and obtain any lasting success. Medication will only place a bandage over the wound that depression leaves. The longer I let it wound me, the deeper and larger that wound will be. I can't let that wound turn into a scar or I will have given up and become lost in the misery party that depression wants to host.

Here I go! Wish me luck!! :-)
 I'm ready to tackle the evil beastly depression monster brought along with the sinister PTSD!!

PTSD & Deception = Backwards Progress

This article was originally published December 1, 2011 on the old blog


The mind is a precious, tender, and special thing. When dealing with PTSD & Deception it can = backward progress. On Thanksgiving day, just before midnight, I received some devastating news. This news would affect more than just me personally, it would affect my boys, their sisters, and aggravate their PTSD.
I will not share the details of this news, as the news itself is not important. The type of news is the key point.
Deception, deceit, lies...

When a person is healing from PTSD, their mind is rerouting thought patterns, memories, perception of people, places, and things. This healing time is fragile and if lies, deceit, or deception enters...it could completely reverse the healing process.

If you are personally healing from PTSD you understand how important reality & the truth are. If you are standing along side someone healing through PTSD, you should NOT allow, implant, or produce deception, lies, or deceit in any situation.

The truth is always the best medicine. Sometimes, good people make bad decisions. Sometimes, bad people make good decisions. Sometimes, people good or bad assume that someone healing can't handle the truth. This is completely false. The truth will help heal and benefit someone struggling with PTSD. The truth is not always pretty, fun, or joyously delivered. But, the truth is always the best choice!

If you choose to be that solid foundation, that rock for the healing person to lean on, you must do it truthfully.  If you do not... PTSD & Deception = backward progress :-(

God has held my boys & I in his gentle loving hands and protected us for many years. The day I received the news of a year & half of deception...My God was there to catch us when we were weak kneed and almost fell backwards.

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PTSD - Positive Benefits

PTSD Positive Benefits are to be considered a blessing. It's all in the outlook taken on the subject.
It's amazing how PTSD affects everyone differently. No matter how it affects a person, there are positive side effects or benefits.

How can you make such a statement?
The negative reactions that occur from PTSD affect how a person thinks or perceives an item, issue, another person, time, season, smell, taste, and many other things. PTSD can cause skepticism, paranoid tendencies, and/or avoidance.

If the result of behavior (due to the items listed above) is a heightened sense of someone's surroundings, is that bad? Not necessarily since this can cause someone who was not engaged in life previously to become engulfed with it.

After dealing with the heightened PTSD in the horrid stages, there are parts of a person's personality that will forever be changed. These changes can be good.

Someone who previously lived a mundane existence of the day to day, can change their perception of what each day holds, brings, or has potential to become. The fowl of air have purpose, a hug from a loved on becomes standard at every meeting, & saying goodbye to someone as they leave to make a 15 minute trip down the road is treated like it could be the last.

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PTSD Flare Ups (My Story)

Originally published October 19, 2011 on the old blog
Please know that it's been over a year and half since this post and I have healed now :-)

PTSD flare ups are terrible, but I'm dealing with it. My son is dealing with it in a different way. Tomorrow will be his hardest day. This whole week has been my hardest. Sometimes, when a person thinks they've made huge leaps and strides in progress, there are still flare ups. Someone with PTSD knows they have come a long way in their progress if they can talk about it. It doesn't mean the event is not as traumatic, but it does mean the brain has accepted a new neurological path to deal with it. The new path could be better or worse
.
What can trigger a flare up?
It could be the weather. 2 years ago today, it was raining on this same day, Oct 19th.
It could be a song on the radio that was playing, or something on TV, a smell, or anything really.

What occurs during a flare up?
Many of the same emotions associated with the traumatic event are experienced again in the mind.
Mine is anger.

What does a person with PTSD do during a flare up?
Each person experiences PTSD in different ways. Therefore each persons reaction during a flare up could vary drastically.
I close the door on the world, crawl into bed with my boys, & just exist. That worked in the past, but now that they are older, it's not cool to huddle round mom. I'm supposed to huddle round them. So...I will. I think I'll take my anger out on the zombies in their video games. 

Why experience anger? Why not depression or sadness?
Anger is an emotion that can be released during a sense of loss, hopelessness, helplessness, or could be a reaction to others misunderstanding of the circumstance.
I am going to lay my anger out in hopes that it may benefit someone else dealing with PTSD. Dealing with anger is healthy. Facing it head on is better. Holding it back, repressing it, or just rushing it to the back of your mind is what becomes detrimental to your health. What you read below I've undergone therapy for and do not have the rage now that I once did. This is the "I'm just angry/miffed" version with ALL rage behind me now (thank God).
I'm angry at the surgeon for removing a large unidentified mass from Nick's body in June 2009 during a simple umbilical hernia surgery...and NOT telling us about it.
I'm angry because that @ss could have biopsied the mass THEN, but DIDN'T tell us about removing it, that it was present or that he listed in the medical chart it had to be cut out from its existing mass.
I'm angry because this surgeon, Dr Kent, was so highly recommended by our primary care Dr (which I love and trust deeply) was a Jerkoff when he told us Nick had cancer.
I'm angry because that sh1t face little man couldn't face us with dignity and break the news to us....he processed us like just another number. "Hello Mr. & Mrs. Bruner. How ya doin? Test results are back and yeah, you have cancer. Sorry bout that."
I'm angry that I worried about my job so badly, I organized family to come from miles away to sit with him a few hours a day so I could work.
I'm angry that I worked long hours and extra days for too long and lost so such of the small amount of time I had with him.
I'm angry that I had enough dumb luck to reach a brand new employee at Knoxville 911 when I called for help!
I'm angry that the new employee said, "Ma'am if you want me to help you, you are going to have to go somewhere quiet so I can hear you."  I yelled back, "THAT'S HIM! HE'S MAKING THAT NOISE! HE'S TRYING TO BREATH! PLEASE HELP ME!"
I'm angry that the untrained employee at Knoxville 911 couldn't help me because he was looking up a script to read to me.
I'm angry I had to say my address 20 times and then finally throw the phone to my oldest son. "Talk to this idiot", I said.
I'm angry this affected my oldest son. I'm angry he had to help me lower his father to the floor so I could do CPR.
I'm angry because the fine outstanding folks at Rural/Metro Of East Tennessee took over 30 minutes to show up.
I'm angry that when they finally made their appearance, they drug their feet, moved slowly, and didn't even attempt to recesitat Nick for 10 minutes after they got here.
I'm angry that they had no professionalism in the least!
I'm angry that the "investigation" of the incident by Rural/Metro Of East Tennessee was swept under the rug and dropped with no answers, no replies, nothing.
I'm angry that my children cleaned up the materials left behind by the Rural/Metro Of East Tennessee workers. Why did my children have to touch needles? I don't remember what I was doing when they cleaned all that up or where I was.
I'm angry that the employees from Rural/Metro Of East Tennessee that were in my home, drug Nick on the floor by his feet. I'm angry that they strapped him on a gernie, took him out the door, loaded him in the ambulance and did not answer my question UNTIL I smacked one of them on the back of the head. "Where are you takings my husband?"
I'm angry that the stupid chaplain at St. Mary's Hospital wouldn't GO AWAY. I told him nicely I knew his job, had performed it before myself, but that it would be better if he just left me alone. He followed me, followed me, followed me....until I screamed "I'M NOT CATHOLIC. GO AWAY LITTLE MAN!"  That, I have always felt bad for. I know he just wanted to help, but I asked him several times to just leave me be :-(
I'm angry that I still carry this anger!!!!

I share this, my anger associated with my PTSD, with you bravely.  I am on a recovery track. Talking about what traumatized the victim is part 1. If you are experiencing PTSD, don't be afraid to talk about it. It's all part of PTSD flare ups.

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PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Originally published at the old blog on October 17, 2011.

PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a serious psychological disorder that can affect people of all ages, in all professions, from all ethnic backgrounds, at any point in life.  All people cope with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in different ways. Unfortunately almost my whole family has been through this, and some of us are still actively facing it.
Two years ago, I began my personal struggle with PTSD.  Two of my girls went through a mild case of it for a year. Now, my oldest son has spoken out about his. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not hereditary. It's not a recessive gene, and when someone suffers from it they are not just putting on a show for attention.
The definition of PTSD (according to our therapist) is:

a psychological reaction that occurs after experiencing a highly stressing event outside the range of normal human experience.

It is usually characterized by depression, anxiety, flashbacks, recurrent nightmares, and avoidance of reminders of the event—abbreviation PTSD; called also delayed-stress disorder, delayed-stress syndrome, post-traumatic stress syndrome.

Since dealing with this for quiet some time, I've noticed that many people have little compassion for or extreme lack of understanding of this disorder.
Let's debunk some myths:

1. PTSD is only experienced by veterans of war, prisoners of war, or sexual assault victims.
              This is far from the truth. Anyone can be traumatized by any number of events.
2. PTSD only occurs in adults.
               Another myth, PTSD is not age discriminative. Children as young as 16 months have been diagnosed.
3. People like to say they have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because they want attention.
                Nothing could be further from the truth. A victim of PTSD can't speak freely about the event. It triggers the brain to play the traumatic event out in their head, like a movie, over again. This can lead to anxiety.
4. PTSD will appear immediately after a traumatic event.
                False. Since people with post traumatic stress disorder will avoid places, smells, foods, times of day, or even seasons in parts of a city or county - PTSD can flare up at any time. This could be years after the event.
5. People with PTSD are just crazy.
                     Uneducated myth. PTSD is not associated with psychosis.
6. People coping with PTSD are all doped up.
                 False. Medications are sometimes prescribed to help with depression associated with PTSD, but not everyone suffering from PTSD is taking medication.

:-( I will finish this entry later. I can't write anymore right now about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, excuse me...
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