Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Humor. Show all posts

Friday, June 21, 2013

Quick Test

I am testing the new-to-me app I downloaded from Google Play. The app is called blogger. This app is supposed to allow me to blog on the go from my android phone.

Also, we could use this test post to test any feeds that are linked to the blog. If you received notification of a new post, please comment below and let me know that the feed was successful.

On this new blogging forum that I am using, it is hard for me to know who receives notification of a new blog post. 

To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure that I am satisfied with Blogger at this point or if I should keep the WordPress blog as the primary forum.

If you have any opinions, comments, or suggestions for me - please let me know. You can contact me through the contact form on the right side bar or by leaving a comment below.

I can assure you that no comments will hurt my feelings or upset me, because I am looking for honest feedback.

Thank you for reading!

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

The Sport of Motherhood

This article was originally published on May 13, 2012 on the old blog

The Sport of Motherhood!






image
The definition of a Mother in my mind is a selfless, patient, observant, willful woman whom loves children; not just the fruit of her womb, but all. I get my definition of Mother from my mom's example in life.
There are no classes to enroll in that prepares a woman for motherhood. There's no fancy degree awarded once this position has been granted. There are levels that can be achieved, but there is no Final Exam, EOC, or ECA.

Here's my version of motherhood:
  • LEVEL 1 (Preparation): mental roller coaster. Begins with conception. Part 1 First Trimester - either begins in absolute bliss & gratitude or anger & frustration with the male involved in the act.
Part 2 Second Trimester - acceptance and love. Love being pregnant. Loves the baby. Accepted the "baby shape" her body took on.
Part 3 Third Trimester - ends in absolute bliss & gratitude or anger & frustration with the male involved in the act.

  • LEVEL 2 (Trial Run, warm-up, Beta phase)
This level is inevitable. All new mom's know everything, yet know nothing. Receiving unsolicited advice not acceptable, yet asking questions is. During this test run, babies are accidentally scratched, bumped, diapered too loosely or tightly, baby poops on the last clean outfit & is destined to hang out in the buff cutely, formula is mixed wrong, the blanket is forgotten in Spring/Autumn/Winter, and the bottle runs out before mom makes it back home for more. (Not everyone breastfeeds.) During all events, mom looks around to determine if anyone saw her & is deeply embarrassed even though each oops is private & unnoticed! She learns from each mistake and grows.

  • LEVEL 3 (Dentistry & Theater)
During this level, use of recently acquired cry decoding skills are tested. Mom may think she's failing. Baby needs mom - clingy yet squirms when held. Many new acts & scenes are created to satisfy baby. New voices, faces, dancing & twirling, musicals are performed. Accents are developed & mom begins to speak baby to adults unknowingly. Once the culprit is discovered (evidence of tooth or fever, unsolicited advice is given, or grandma steps in) mom is determined to help the teeth make an entrance! Many dental therapies are attempted (gels, ice, rags, toys, massage, pacifier, etc). After 1st & 3rd tooth arrive, mom's an expert!

  • LEVEL 4 (Case Study/Analytics)
Testing commences on food studies. New cereals/foods are introduced. Gag reflexes are studied and results are documented and shared. During Pediatric check-up results are proudly delivered. Poop Analytics begin. More unsolicited advice is administered.

  • LEVEL 5 (Olympic Training)
Several new sports are mastered.
A. One hand hip hoist - picking up baby from floor with one hand free
B. Hurdels - running & jumping from one side of the house to the other while jumping gates, toys, or sippy cups to reach baby just in time before certain disaster.
C. Diaper Dash - changing diaper quickly in public before anyone notices...or smells it.
D. Clean Sweep - leaping, running, crouching, and reaching quickly to tidy the house when unexpected company or guests arrive
E. Spelunking - skill of saving baby from heights (cabinets, refrigerator, tables, stairs, or banisters at incredible speeds
F. CrossCountry Running - Running at gravity defying speeds to catching baby across a yard, field, park, or grocery/retail store.
G. Geocaching - locating a sippy cup/pacifier when dropped or thrown into a field, thicket of brush, driveway, park landscape, or retail store dump bin of merchandise.

  • LEVEL 6 (Literature and Audiology)
Reading to toddler. Teaching new words & phrases. Baby learns to mock & repeat...everything. Embarrassing and unsolicited phrases acquired from other children & family members. Baby repeats said phrases in public or church. Mom buffers impact, apologizes & corrects baby.

  • LEVEL 7 (Electrical Engineering)
Learns how to revive electrical devices after food, slobber, water, or impact damage. Items include VCR, DVR, DVD player, MP3, IPOD, cell phone, remote controls, PDA, etc)

  • LEVEL 8 (Gymnastic Floor Exercise)
Lego high stepping, lil green army men dodge, baby gate hopping, toy reach, baby swing, and toy ducking.

  • LEVEL 9 (Acceptance, Accolades & Admission)
This level occurs multiple times: Daycare, Preschool, Kindergarten, Middle School, High School, Driving, Graduation of any form, College, Engagement, Marraige, Grandchild announcement.


To sum it all up, mothers are a special breed of people. Any woman can morph into this status, if she is selfless.

Happy Mother's Day Mommy! I love you :-) 
*Photography by KD Photography 

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Why are You Stuck in my Head?

Why are You Stuck in my Head?
This article was originally published on April 18, 2012 on the old blog

Why are you... stuck in my head?
                  ?????
Have you ever had a song stuck in your head that your mind sang all day?

Your lips involuntarily move as your brain tries to rip the lyrics from your vocal cords?

Without conscientiously doing it, a gentle low humming comes from your throat & then you realize...it's that song!

There's a fancy medical term for this condition that our brain taunts  us with. It's called obsessive neurosis!
And I'll be dog-goned if you're not stuck in my head!

image
Posted from WordPress for Android

Country Girl in the City

Country Girl in the City
This article was originally published on April 15, 2012 on the old blog


Okay, I'll admit it, I'm a country girl born & bred. Where I live in east Tennessee, our city life isn't exactly "big city", but there are so many differences in county (country) life & city life. Although, I'd listed #102 on my bucket list, I never really thought I'd accomplish it. Yet, here I found myself living away from the swamp.                                        #102 was: move away from the swamp.

Living in the county, I wouldn't be woken up after midnight to the sound of sirens nightly. Actually, I very rarely ever heard sirens in the suburbs. Tonight though, I am awake listening to the sounds of sirens. A neighboring home or apartment has had an emergency again after midnight...again. I pray for the people, hoping all will be well...again.

This episode does make me draw a few comparisons. In the city, we are no more than 5 minutes from many national retail stores, businesses, local rescue services, and big name eateries. In the county, we have these things as well, but they are mostly mom & pop owned & operated eateries or fast food, and the emergency services are located in the city about 20-30 minutes away. So, everyone knows if you need serious help quick, Joe Bob can drive like Earnhardt...call him instead! Why else do you think NASCAR is so popular in the south? To get to the hospitals we drive 100 MPH around the base of a mountain, making only left hand turns ;-)
image

There are several luxuries to city life though. Instead of loading the car with trash once a week and driving it off to the local dump, we get to carry our trash to the curb! How cool is that?? In the county, if we put our trash outside on the curb, 20 wild dogs would rip into the bags, no one would pick it up, & the neighbors would call the beautification board on us!

In the city the parks are small, quaint, clean and hidden. In the county, the parks are littered with trash, large, and right off a main
road.
In the county, everyone has a septic tank & neighbors pull up a chair to watch someone dig up their yard to have it pumped when the toilet stops flushing. It's neighborhood entertainment & occasionally, someone pitches in a helping hand to dig. In the city, toilets flush with no issue!! Everyone has sewer. It's a fascinating thing that uses gravity and suction to grab ones mounds of toilet paper and shoot it into the underground abyss of the unknown!

Then there are garbage disposals. In the city, there's no dog in the back yard to eat dinner scraps. (Dogs are like people, they live inside.) After dinner, the scraps are raked from plates into the sink. A Langolier type monster that lives in the drain pipe chews all the left over stuff and burps when it's done! If we had garbage disposals in the country, could you imagine all the starving K9s?
 
Another difference is the yard. A yard in the country can take anywhere between an hour & all day to mow. Country yards are much larger & hilly. One can easily entertain the neighborhood by attempting to push mow the side of a mountain sideways or by dangling vicariously from a riding mower while holding on for dear life shouting "I Will Win!". In the city, the yards are so small & level they can be easily trimmed by using an electrical appliance in as little as 5-25 minutes! Where's the entertainment in that?

There are many more differences, but I'll have to tell y'all bout 'em later. The sirens have stopped now & I may be able to go back to sleep.

Night :-)

Posted from WordPress for Android

Neighboring Conversations

Neighboring Conversations
This article was originally published on March 28, 2012 on the old blog

Yesterday while working in the Oasis I was approached by 2 neighbors, but at separate times. I had been mowing the lawn for about 90 minutes and needed a little break. (I refuse to use a riding mower, it's only an acre.) One of my very sweet neighbors yelled a friendly "Hey" and walked to the end of his fence.
Say, what in the world are you doin' to your house, if ya don't think me nosey?
Smiling, I said "Repairs."
Well, my wife wanted to know. She done told me that you'd been swindled time or two on your roof & I oughta ask ya. Now she'ain't nosey or nothing like at. But she says to me yesterdee that she's mighty concerned and all, 'cause they's been guys over here work'n and she done said you's out here work'n like a man.

(He let out a small chuckle.) My wife, she said you's over here lifting really heavy stuff, dragging big 'ole boards around, grunting & sweating and that you ain't afraid O' work.
image
After my head stopped spinning, I answered, "Yes sir. I want my home completed so I do what I can to help when I can. But,..."
Quickly, he interrupted,
Yep, that's what my wife told me and she's not nosey or anything. Not to get in your business, but why are you doing all this?
"Well sir", I answered, "this is my home & I couldn't just walk away from it. I..."
A burst of laughter shocked me & I didn't finish my thought.
Well, I just pittle round here and there some and keep myself busy during da day, so I ain't seen you a work'n like she says. But I figured something must be going on since she done said all that and all. You know. Well, I guess I'll letcha get back ta what choo'sa doing.
And with that he waved a howdy-do and off he went.
I started the mower up and mowed another 15 minutes or so. From the corner of my eye I noticed a figure approaching me. I saw another neighbor coming toward me. From the distance I heard,
Hey! Are you mowing?
He was much closer now, so I didn't have to yell to answer him. I looked down at my green grass stained hands, legs, and clothes. I was covered in grass and drenched in sweat.
A thought occurred to me: Never assume the obvious is obvious to everyone.
Obviously Mowing
Obviously Mowing
I answered, "Yes. I kind of am mowing. What could I help you with?"
He was standing beside me now, looking down at his shoes, hands in his pockets, and appeared confused.
Okay, I was just checking.
He walked away, back to his yard.
I love my Oasis & my neighbors :-)


Posted from WordPress for Android


Exploring Indy - Part 2

This article was originally published on Jan 5, 2012 on the old blog



Replica of the Washington Monument?
Replica of the Washington Monument?
This post Exploring Indie part 2 is the continuation of the earlier post titled "Exploring Indie part 1 – Another Adventure :-)".

Driving all the way up the Cumberland Gap Parkway was a nice and scenic trip as opposed to traveling Interstate 75 the entire trip from Tennessee to Indianapolis, Indiana. We drove around and up the mountains in Kentucky and when we entered into Indiana, there were still a few hills there as well. At first, I thought perhaps Indiana wasn't flat after all, until we drove about 15 more minutes into Indiana.

The hills seemingly disappeared. Out of nowhere, corn popped up and the land flattened out! I saw corn, Irrigation piping, and more corn :-)  This was pretty awesome. The corn fields I saw from the highway were not like the corn fields in Tennessee. These fields went on for what appeared to be miles and miles. (Without my glasses I couldn't really tell, but there was no end to the fields visually.)

In Tennessee, many farmers plant corn and hay to mix and feed their cattle or they plant tobacco. Not many people still plant tobacco anymore now though :-( Anyway, the corn fields and hay fields are planted on hills and they wave at the viewer from the roadside as the fields roll. Some are planted on the flattest land owned, which is still a hill or a swerving plot of land. The cattle even learn to graze while standing on a constant tilt. That's why all the cattle produced in East Tennessee is lopsided laying on your plate at dinner time!

Back to the trip, we drove closer to the city of Indianapolis and the land became more flat. The city buildings could be seen for what seemed to be many miles before entering it. I loved the old and new buildings in the city. Here are a few more snap shots of the awesome experiences and sights I saw:
Beautiful artchitecture
Beautiful architecture
Church
Church
Local Merchants
Local Merchants
Local Merchants
Local Merchants
Local Merchants
Local Merchants
City life buzzing
City life buzzing
Local Merchants
Local Merchants
Downtown Indie
Downtown Indy
I loved this!
I loved this!
The city was so Colorful!
The city was so Colorful!

Capitol Building
Capitol Building

Beautiful
Beautiful
Victory Field
Victory Field
Downtown Indianapolis
Downtown Indianapolis
Lucas Oil Stadium
Lucas Oil Stadium
Lucas Oil Stadium
Home of the Indianapolis Colts
Lucas Oil Stadium Entrance
Lucas Oil Stadium Entrance
Indianapolis Court House
Indianapolis Court House
Downtown Indianapolis
Downtown Indianapolis
Downtown Indianapolis
Downtown Indianapolis
Gorgeous lamp post
Gorgeous lamp-post (I wanted to grab hold of it and swing round while singing)
Monumnet in Downtown Indianapolis
monument in Downtown Indianapolis
A graceful fountain in Downtown Indianapolis
A graceful fountain in Downtown Indianapolis
War Memorial
War Memorial
This Building looks like a Castle
This Building looks like a Castle
a Marraige of two buildings
a marriage of two buildings
Downtown Indie
Downtown Indy
Magnificent Buildings in Downtown Indianapolis
Magnificent Buildings in Downtown Indianapolis
Downtown Highrise Apartments
Downtown Highrise Apartments
City Sidewalk
City Sidewalk
Is it a castle?
Is it a castle?

Monday, June 17, 2013

Crossing the Mississippi

Originally published on October 5, 2011 on the old blog


Today's memories are brought to you by Adventurous Memories of a Nick, Larry, & Patsy. It was Oct of 1995, my boyfriend (soon to be husband and future father of my boys), his friend Larry and I made a trip to visit one of their friends living in Arkansas, Patsy.  Larry was home (KY) from the Army on leave, and the trip to Arkansas had been planned for a long time before Nick & I ever met. I got to tag along - cause I was the one with the car to drive. And hey, I'd never been out of the state for fun. First I got to meet Larry. We met in Middlesboro at Dunkin Doughnuts over coffee. Nick and Larry caught up on old times and I guess that's when I got my introduction as well. From what I can remember, I was pretty ditsy :-)

Nick told me Larry was always changing his look and declared that he had moved into the "Marlboro Man" phase.  He sported a cowboy hat, boots, and blue jeans. (This must have been a private joke, I thought. But after knowing Larry a bit more, I see what Nick meant by Larry's changing appearances. I like them, they keep life fresh and his wife now seems to love him this way!!)

So, back to the story, as non responsible adults, we had all neglected to check the weather before the trip.  There had been tornado warnings issued for west Tennessee, Arkansas, and other areas that we were oblivious to. On the long drive across Tennessee, we encountered high winds, heavy rains, and a great number of semi trucks driving very slowly. After hours of driving, we finally crossed the Mississippi river.
The bridge was huge, long, and just plain awesome. I asked what body of water we were crossing and Nick replied, "The Mississippi, of course." I was so excited! Larry was asleep in the back seat of my tiny Nissan Pulsar (that roared loudly with the muffler missing).

I'd never seen the Mississippi and just had to say hello to it! I rolled my window down, stuck my head out the window, and yelled as loud as I could, "HELLO MISSISSIPPI!" Rain water poured into the small car, pelting Nick, who was driving, in the face.  He laughed at first because I also drenched Larry sleeping in the back seat. Larry was startled awake by his sudden shower. LOL :-)  Sorry Larry :-)

After that little impulsive incident, my window was rolled up and locked from the drivers side :-(
Several miles later, I said I wanted to drive. Nick took the next exit and before I knew it, I was driving in Arkansas! Whoo Hoo!!  ...then...a state trooper pulled me over. He asked for my paperwork and then asked where I was from. I pointed down the road from whence we came and said, "From back 'air. Have you ever heared of a place called Knoxville? Well, if you go straight through downtown, the continue down Broadway and then Fountain City...". The officer raised his hand to stop my chatter and said, "Okay, where are you going in this tornado?"  At this point the officer thought I was mentally challenged and asked Nick to drive.

We made it to Jonesboro, AR in one piece with a police escort and the town was flooded. The low riding Nissan we were in amazingly plowed through water that came up to the door handle. I remember lifting my feet off the floorboard of the car - as if it would help, LOL!

We made it to Patsy's house safely, but that ride was totally amazing along the way!
Maybe I'll tell you about Beale Street and Graceland in the next edition of Adventurous Memories of a Nick, Larry, & Patsy :-)


Posted from WordPress for Android

Whoo Hoo It's Friday!

This article was originally published on July 30,2011 here

Every Friday I hear someone say how excited they are that...
IT'S FRIDAY!!
Why do we get so excited over one day in the week? It's not like Friday is the most aesthetically pleasing day, is the best dressed in designer labels, smells the most delicious, has won a Super Bowl or World Series, can go 10,000 miles without an oil change or gets 100 miles per gallon.

Friday is a silent Hero honored by millions of people all around the world. Friday won't save you, solve problems, feed you, offer financial freedom or security, love you, transform a life, or make you whole - yet it is worshiped.

There are songs that play on the radio that are dedicated exclusively to this 1 day of the week. It's the most exciting day that is observed 52 times a year (or more). The most beloved of all days, it receives more gratitude & praise than Saturday & Sunday combined. The anticipation that Friday dangles in front of us is more exciting than the days it leads to.

Is it because the weekend is sacred? If so, why do we praise the day before? We do a happy dance, smile through the day, & speak lovingly of the long anticipated day that has FINALLY arrived.

We wish our lives away, day by day chanting, "Can't wait till it's Friday", "Friday can't get here quick enough", "I wish it was Friday", "I wish Friday would hurry up".

We complain that there are too many days between today and Friday.

I, like many other billion people, have been guilty of this too.
It's a mystery, this mystical day, highly favored above all others.

Posted from WordPress for Android

Only a Mother Could Handle This!

This post was originally published on my primary Blog at Chrissy Adventures at WordPress.
 Join me on my primary blog!


******Warning******This post may induce vomiting

Some people are born with an iron stomach. They can eat anything, smell anything, touch anything and seemingly nothing grosses them out. Others have a very touchy queasy tummy and just can't handle disgusting smells, tastes, or consistencies. These people have what we call a weak stomach. Around here, we have a combination of both kinds ;-)

A few nights ago, my husband and I were watching television in the bedroom. The kids were off doing their own things (playing video games, doing homework, and watching television in the living room).  In the bedroom we were watching Click. It's such a touching comedic movie about how much family and time with loved ones means more than time spent at work making a living.  Here's how the last 2 minutes played out...
Just as Adam Sandler falls to the ground outside the hospital trying to get his son's attention we hear a tiny knock on the door. We ignored it, both thinking once the kids don't hear us answer, they'll wait till the movie has finished. Afterall, this is the touching part. I'm crying and my husband is tearing up too.

Adam Sandler's son runs to him and the rest of the family is surrounding him on the pavement, covering him with umbrellas to keep the rain off him. We hear another tiny knock on the door. " Surely, they can wait till the movie ends", we both think. Several more tiny timid knocks on the door in a row...My husband jumps up, cracks the door and says very quickly, "we're watching a movie. It's almost finished. We'll be out in a minute, Okay?" He shuts the door and sits back down. We finish the movie and Nick says, "Well, let's go see what the boys wanted. XXX had a sad bewildered look on his face."

My husband beats me to it. He's standing in the hallway talking to XXX (my oldest son). "What's going on?"  My oldest answers, "I got sick." My husband cautiously walks to the other end of the hallway as if he's scouting out new territory and peeps around the corner. "C H R I S S Y!!!" He calls to me. About this time I'm in the Hallway on the other end. There's about 15ft between he and I and I hesitate..."What?"
"OH my GOSH, It's horrible. Come here. Oh my...what happened again?" he replies.

"Great, I guess I'd better go", I think to myself. I made my way to the end of the hallway and I see XXX standing there with the most pitiful look on his face. He's pale, sad, and dismayed. I also see a mop bucket and smell the problem. It's nasty...it's vomit...with nasty chunks in it and it's EVERYWHERE. I could tell he attempted to make it to the restroom, but only made it to the door about 7ft shy of his target (the toilet). It dawned on me that we put off answering the door to finish that awesome movie about how important family is and in the process neglected some family right here. How ironic!

"Why are you using a mop to clean up chunks son?" I ask.  Suddenly I hear the other two boys as they peeked out the door of their bedrooms. From the distance I hear, "Hey, yeah...we tried to help him. We gave him the mop and the bucket."

"What?", I exclaim, "you gave him the bucket and mop, then abandoned him? This has been here for at least 10 minutes. This is not fresh. You can't mop up something chunky!!"
"Yeah, well, we don't want to get sick," another son replies as he speaks through his hand covering his mouth. The bedroom door shuts and they disappear. I hear gagging from their room.

My husband just stands there, mesmerized by the puke. Mouth gaping open, trying to figure out how one person could vomit so much in only one event. He even begins to scratch his head and mumble out loud about it. "It looks like there's a dead chopped up body in the floor. What did you eat XXX? How can one person do this much? Oh yuck, it's on the walls all the way in here too. It stinks. Gross. What did you say you ate?" He went on and on...

Rubbing XXX's shoulder, I say "XXX, if you feel better now, please go to your room and lay down. I'll finish cleaning this up." XXX goes to his room saying, "I'm sorry" over and over again. "Don't be sorry honey", I answered his mumbles.

I began gathering the supplies I would need to clean up the nasty mess and my husband is still mumbling trying to figure out what XXX ate. At this point I wanted to burst into laughter, but I was still upset with the other 2 boys that knew very well the mop and bucket would just make a bigger mess. Just as I had almost gathered everything I would need and had removed the bucket and mop, I hear my husband begin to gag.
In my head I'm thinking, "Who wants Chowder?"

He ran to the kitchen sink. He gagged over and over again, but didn't vomit (Thank God! If he had, I would be cleaning the kitchen sink too.) I began to remove the chunks and dispose of them.

About 1/2 way through the chunk removal, my husband says, "Oh yuck, it's in the cat's bowls. Just throw them away." I just kept on cleaning. "It's on the walls Chrissy!" he says. I kept on cleaning. "Honey, LOOK! It's all the way over here too! Just throw that rug away."  I kept cleaning.

In my head, I'm thinking "Who cares what he ate? Thanks for showing me it's in other rooms though. Why are you freaking out?" He gagged a few more times, but I must give him props, he stayed right with me until I was completely finished cleaning the hard wood, the tiles, the base boards, the walls, the toilet, the sink, the hallway, and parts of the living room. He gagged, all three of the boys gagged, but we all survived and no one else got sick!

All this I found comedic because of the irony of the movie vs what my son was trying to tell us, the younger boys hiding in their rooms and abandoning their older brother, XXX gagging as he was trying to clean up his own mess, my husband's odd chatter and wanting to throw everything away, and the cat's reaction was funny too. He paced the floor for over an hour meowing loudly because his precious food bowl and water dish were contaminated!  Between these boy, my husband, and this event - it's a real wonder that I didn't go ape crazy! 

I guess God gives mother's an iron stomach to deal with their families daily. I just never appreciated before how iron my stomach is.

Do's and Don'ts of Cooking

Originally published at Chrissy Adventures at WordPress

Anyone that knows me knows that I am not a fabulous cook. I have never claimed to be. I try though and somehow the boys all seem to be very healthy. Once upon a blue moon, my favorite hang out place was the kitchen. I stayed in there practically all day. If I wasn't cooking, I was cleaning, or sitting at the table reading or paying bills.
Over the years, I have had some serious fiascoes in the kitchen.  In the past, I would deny my bloopers, but the more I think about them - I think hey why not share? After all, I may not be the only under-achieving cook out there.

Do: Make sure you have all the ingredients before you begin cooking.
image
Don't: neglect this small yet very important 1st step, you may be running out to a close by local small store to buy important items like (cheese, milk, bread, the main ingredient)

Do: Announce to everyone in the house that you need the kitchen all to yourself if you have a small space.
Don't: Attempt to do the tango with a blazing hot cast iron skillet, a cat underfoot, and kids ducking & weaving in and out of the kitchen. Someone, probably you, will get burnt.
Do: Mix all dry ingredients first
Don't: Throw all ingredients into a bowl and mix on high-speed. (Egg is difficult to remove from the ceiling and dries quickly.)
Do: Clean as you go. Wash your cookware and utensils as you dirty them up.
Don't: Hope the kids will appreciate the meal so much that they will help with the dishes afterwards. Instead they will have a cut on their hand and therefore be disabled for the evening, have a belly too full to help, start their nap early at the kitchen table, have a game that has been on "pause" too long and just have to go, need an hour-long shower, or some other random excuse.
image
Do: Only make portions small enough to fit into your left-over storage containers.
Don't: Cook a 25lb turkey or ham without enough storage space for left overs!! You'll end up with the left over meat in every type of container in the refrigerator - Ex: Tupperware, Ziploc bags, Rubbermaid containers, left over butter bowls, Jelly containers, cheese cellophane, Drinking cups with lids, plastic shoe boxes (cleaned of course), sour cream containers, and anything else that has a lid!!  The day after said feast will result in frustration as you cannot find the REAL butter, jelly, sour cream, cottage cheese, etc.
Do: Wear an apron or keep a hand towel handy.
Don't: Forget you are cooking and wipe your hands on your pants.  If you do, you may stick to your chair when you attempt to stand at the end of the meal.
Do: Ensure that any frozen ingredient is not freezer burnt before using.
image
Don't: Attempt to convince the kids that it's suppose to taste that way!
Do: Check all dates on canned or dry goods that you bought on sale and found in the very back of  your cabinet before using.
image
Don't: Try to convince the kids it's suppose to taste that way.  (If they've fallen for this once, they will be wise to you the 2nd time around!)
Do: Dispose of food packaging in a safe way.
Don't: Leave a can lid standing erect on a can after opening. Gently push the lid down inside the can. Those things will cut you as you take out the trash.
Do: Remove all decorative stove burner (eye) covers before turning the stove on.
Don't: Turn on the wrong stove burner element before you remove decorative covers. Those things are totally flammable!
Do: Keep tongs in the kitchen at all times. They prove to be most handy to remove burning element (eye) covers if you should forget to remove them.
Don't: Make microwavable macaroni and cheese without adding water. It is flammable without water.
Do: Watch boiling noodles on stove top and stir regularly.
Don't: Walk away from boiling noodles on stove top. Again, those noodles are totally flammable!
Do:  Stay in the kitchen when you cook.
Don't:  Lay on the couch to take a nap when cooking.
These are just a few helpful do's and don'ts that may help someone new to cooking. You'd think all these things are common sense, but they aren't. Some of these were my mistakes when I was very young and others have been made by my kids.

We have a great deal more of these I could share. Let me know if you want to read more :-)

Monday, August 20, 2012

Plea to Inventors

I am a woman with PERFECT aim!! I know there have to be other women out there that feel this way too!
I begging someone to invent a pee splash shield for bathroom cabinets.
Let's face it, the sink cabinet in most homes is located less than a foot from the toilet (and even closer in some homes).
This may be shocking news...but boys can't hit the hole! And, it just gets worse when they turn into t

he creatures we call teenagers!! Someone, somewhere - PLEASE invent an affordable cabinet protector. (Wouldn't it be cool if it was a film like the ones that protect our phones and tablets? It could be even be reflective to help these men/boys see how BAD their aim is!)

uhm, I'm done now. Have a happy day everyone :-)