Another Evil of PTSD

Another Evil of PTSD
This article was originally published April 3, 2012 on the old blog

Another evil of PTSD is depression. It's not always present and can be controlled for some by medication.
I hate depression. It rips life from a person and steals tears from its miss-perceived victims. Depression can take a beautiful day and make it cloudy, gloomy, and undesirable. It has much company when it takes root in one's soul; for it invites anger, sadness, and self loathing with it. These rascally fiends take over and throw a misery party showcasing every wrong move, thought, word spoken, or deed done in the past. Their heart wrenching film plays over and over until the unassuming audience has become completely trapped by its clutches.
Depression is a beastly evil of PTSD.

Depression is one of the most commonly occurring disorders in PTSD. In fact, it has been found that among people who have or have had a diagnosis of PTSD, approximately 48% also had current or past depression. People who have had PTSD at some point in their life are almost 7 times as likely as people without PTSD to also have depression. Another study found that 44.5% of people with PTSD one month after experiencing a traumatic event also had a diagnosis of depression.

For more information on how PTSD and depression could be linked click here.
For another view on depression click here.Click Me, Click Me!
So, the question is, how does someone with depression associated with PTSD cope? PRAYER! A lot of Prayer!!
On this roller coaster ride we call life, there are always rainbows after every storm. We have to choose to see the rainbow instead of the destruction that the storm left in its wake. It's also a lot easier to write about it than to put it into practice, by the way ;-)

I need a game plan. I need to figure out why I stop wanting to take part in life. The Lord and I are the only two that can work together on this giant feat and obtain any lasting success. Medication will only place a bandage over the wound that depression leaves. The longer I let it wound me, the deeper and larger that wound will be. I can't let that wound turn into a scar or I will have given up and become lost in the misery party that depression wants to host.

Here I go! Wish me luck!! :-)
 I'm ready to tackle the evil beastly depression monster brought along with the sinister PTSD!!

Christmas Eve...eve

This post was originally published on December 24, 2011 on the old blog

"Good Morning. Merry Christmas Eve...eve", I hear as I open my eyes. With a huge smile I reply, "Silly!"

I am as happy as a school girl. The boys are happy and smile now more than I have seen them smile in 2 years.  The last 3 weeks have been sweet, loving, honest, and pure. I feel again. I am alive. The world has color and fragrance.
Hours later, I hear.....

"The problem is we spend so much time talking each morning, it throws our plans off for the day."

But why? Why is this a problem? Isn't life sweet? Aren't you happy? Don't you smile now more than you have in a long time?

Stop. Think. Laugh. Love. 
Then you could Hug :-)
Life is so much more  :-)


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Back to the List!

This article was originally published on December 15, 2011 on the old blog


This past weekend, the boys & I were blessed to mark another item off our bucket list! #25 was to take the boys to Gatlinburg, TN around Christmas time. I wanted them to see the lights & have a good time & they sure did!

The boys experienced many firsts. They rode go carts, played in a huge arcade, walked the streets in Gatlinburg, admired the lights, stayed in a hotel, swam in a pool in the middle of winter, & got in a whirlpool. Cole gassed us after eating BBQ(shew!) and Nicky bought at least 10 new tiny bouncy balls (we won't go there).  We met celebrities (cardboard), acted out scenes with Droids, posed in silly hats, & discovered Santa carries a double barrel sawed off shotgun! Cole & I got henna tattoos. The boys spent $5 to get me a toy outta various claw machines.

What a great adventure :-) I'm so glad we got back to the list! And I am thankful that God has blessed our lil family again :-)























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PTSD & Deception = Backwards Progress

This article was originally published December 1, 2011 on the old blog


The mind is a precious, tender, and special thing. When dealing with PTSD & Deception it can = backward progress. On Thanksgiving day, just before midnight, I received some devastating news. This news would affect more than just me personally, it would affect my boys, their sisters, and aggravate their PTSD.
I will not share the details of this news, as the news itself is not important. The type of news is the key point.
Deception, deceit, lies...

When a person is healing from PTSD, their mind is rerouting thought patterns, memories, perception of people, places, and things. This healing time is fragile and if lies, deceit, or deception enters...it could completely reverse the healing process.

If you are personally healing from PTSD you understand how important reality & the truth are. If you are standing along side someone healing through PTSD, you should NOT allow, implant, or produce deception, lies, or deceit in any situation.

The truth is always the best medicine. Sometimes, good people make bad decisions. Sometimes, bad people make good decisions. Sometimes, people good or bad assume that someone healing can't handle the truth. This is completely false. The truth will help heal and benefit someone struggling with PTSD. The truth is not always pretty, fun, or joyously delivered. But, the truth is always the best choice!

If you choose to be that solid foundation, that rock for the healing person to lean on, you must do it truthfully.  If you do not... PTSD & Deception = backward progress :-(

God has held my boys & I in his gentle loving hands and protected us for many years. The day I received the news of a year & half of deception...My God was there to catch us when we were weak kneed and almost fell backwards.

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Life Goes On

This article was originally published on November 18, 2011 on the old blog


Wouldn't it be great to have a dollar for every time someone said "Life Goes On" to you? I'd be financial set if I did! :-)

After hearing & making that statement most of my life, I've determined that I am a Life Goes On professional. I'm not a paid professional, but rather an experienced professional.

I've been so broke that I couldn't afford food for myself to eat & barely managed to keep the lights on to ensure everyone else ate.

I've taught at least 9 teenagers to drive on my last few gallons of gas, smiled as they got their drivers license, and walked to my destinations for the rest of the week.

Somehow, I managed to care for my hubby after his heart attack in 1999 & take care of both boys (one in diapers & the other just potty trained) at the same time.

After a terrible car accident my parents were involved in, (back in 2001) I managed to care for my family at the same time I took care of my parents' mental and physical rehabilitation and affairs.
I never passed out once! :-)

Then in 2007, I worked 45-60 hrs a week at work, came home and cleaned house, cooked, did 7-9 loads of laundry daily and provided financial support for one of my girls & one grandbaby for 6 months.
In 2009, when my husband passed away, I was numb. Not sure how exactly, but I managed to stay on top of things, provide support for my in-laws, children, and took care of the house. During this time, I took a month off work to straighten myself out emotionally and it backfired on me. I fell apart :-(  ...but, you know what? Life Goes On

I am venting & trying to decide what's next in life today. Normally, I don't allow myself to talk this way... so I write :-)  Writing can be therapeutic. It's a huge leap of faith to do it out in the open too. I write to remind myself that Life Goes On, so I can't give up now, nor ever. I'm far too stubborn for that anyway!

Recently, I found myself unemployed and happy :-)  I've had some much needed time with the boys and myself. After all these years, I finally have time for myself. It was so delightful! Now that it's been almost a month off/not working, I feel so much more connected to the boys. I also feel more in touch with reality, where I am in life, and what purpose life has at this time.

Life Goes On...My neighbor planted ornamental corn at the corner of our property. That corn grew to heights over 30 feet tall & spread outward, covering her property and leaping over onto mine. This wouldn't be an issue, except the corn over powered my mailbox!! I have to cut the corn back on my side at least once monthly or the mail person cannot locate my mailbox. Just like my neighbor's ornamental corn, bad times or hard times can get the best of us if we allow them to. That negativity can breed & spread quickly and take over our minds if we are not careful. I'm thankful for God's mercy, peace, and love! Now that 2 full years have passed since losing my husband, my best friend, & my previous life, I am beginning to understand that it's okay to allow Life to Go On!





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PTSD - Positive Benefits

PTSD Positive Benefits are to be considered a blessing. It's all in the outlook taken on the subject.
It's amazing how PTSD affects everyone differently. No matter how it affects a person, there are positive side effects or benefits.

How can you make such a statement?
The negative reactions that occur from PTSD affect how a person thinks or perceives an item, issue, another person, time, season, smell, taste, and many other things. PTSD can cause skepticism, paranoid tendencies, and/or avoidance.

If the result of behavior (due to the items listed above) is a heightened sense of someone's surroundings, is that bad? Not necessarily since this can cause someone who was not engaged in life previously to become engulfed with it.

After dealing with the heightened PTSD in the horrid stages, there are parts of a person's personality that will forever be changed. These changes can be good.

Someone who previously lived a mundane existence of the day to day, can change their perception of what each day holds, brings, or has potential to become. The fowl of air have purpose, a hug from a loved on becomes standard at every meeting, & saying goodbye to someone as they leave to make a 15 minute trip down the road is treated like it could be the last.

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PTSD Flare Ups (My Story)

Originally published October 19, 2011 on the old blog
Please know that it's been over a year and half since this post and I have healed now :-)

PTSD flare ups are terrible, but I'm dealing with it. My son is dealing with it in a different way. Tomorrow will be his hardest day. This whole week has been my hardest. Sometimes, when a person thinks they've made huge leaps and strides in progress, there are still flare ups. Someone with PTSD knows they have come a long way in their progress if they can talk about it. It doesn't mean the event is not as traumatic, but it does mean the brain has accepted a new neurological path to deal with it. The new path could be better or worse
.
What can trigger a flare up?
It could be the weather. 2 years ago today, it was raining on this same day, Oct 19th.
It could be a song on the radio that was playing, or something on TV, a smell, or anything really.

What occurs during a flare up?
Many of the same emotions associated with the traumatic event are experienced again in the mind.
Mine is anger.

What does a person with PTSD do during a flare up?
Each person experiences PTSD in different ways. Therefore each persons reaction during a flare up could vary drastically.
I close the door on the world, crawl into bed with my boys, & just exist. That worked in the past, but now that they are older, it's not cool to huddle round mom. I'm supposed to huddle round them. So...I will. I think I'll take my anger out on the zombies in their video games. 

Why experience anger? Why not depression or sadness?
Anger is an emotion that can be released during a sense of loss, hopelessness, helplessness, or could be a reaction to others misunderstanding of the circumstance.
I am going to lay my anger out in hopes that it may benefit someone else dealing with PTSD. Dealing with anger is healthy. Facing it head on is better. Holding it back, repressing it, or just rushing it to the back of your mind is what becomes detrimental to your health. What you read below I've undergone therapy for and do not have the rage now that I once did. This is the "I'm just angry/miffed" version with ALL rage behind me now (thank God).
I'm angry at the surgeon for removing a large unidentified mass from Nick's body in June 2009 during a simple umbilical hernia surgery...and NOT telling us about it.
I'm angry because that @ss could have biopsied the mass THEN, but DIDN'T tell us about removing it, that it was present or that he listed in the medical chart it had to be cut out from its existing mass.
I'm angry because this surgeon, Dr Kent, was so highly recommended by our primary care Dr (which I love and trust deeply) was a Jerkoff when he told us Nick had cancer.
I'm angry because that sh1t face little man couldn't face us with dignity and break the news to us....he processed us like just another number. "Hello Mr. & Mrs. Bruner. How ya doin? Test results are back and yeah, you have cancer. Sorry bout that."
I'm angry that I worried about my job so badly, I organized family to come from miles away to sit with him a few hours a day so I could work.
I'm angry that I worked long hours and extra days for too long and lost so such of the small amount of time I had with him.
I'm angry that I had enough dumb luck to reach a brand new employee at Knoxville 911 when I called for help!
I'm angry that the new employee said, "Ma'am if you want me to help you, you are going to have to go somewhere quiet so I can hear you."  I yelled back, "THAT'S HIM! HE'S MAKING THAT NOISE! HE'S TRYING TO BREATH! PLEASE HELP ME!"
I'm angry that the untrained employee at Knoxville 911 couldn't help me because he was looking up a script to read to me.
I'm angry I had to say my address 20 times and then finally throw the phone to my oldest son. "Talk to this idiot", I said.
I'm angry this affected my oldest son. I'm angry he had to help me lower his father to the floor so I could do CPR.
I'm angry because the fine outstanding folks at Rural/Metro Of East Tennessee took over 30 minutes to show up.
I'm angry that when they finally made their appearance, they drug their feet, moved slowly, and didn't even attempt to recesitat Nick for 10 minutes after they got here.
I'm angry that they had no professionalism in the least!
I'm angry that the "investigation" of the incident by Rural/Metro Of East Tennessee was swept under the rug and dropped with no answers, no replies, nothing.
I'm angry that my children cleaned up the materials left behind by the Rural/Metro Of East Tennessee workers. Why did my children have to touch needles? I don't remember what I was doing when they cleaned all that up or where I was.
I'm angry that the employees from Rural/Metro Of East Tennessee that were in my home, drug Nick on the floor by his feet. I'm angry that they strapped him on a gernie, took him out the door, loaded him in the ambulance and did not answer my question UNTIL I smacked one of them on the back of the head. "Where are you takings my husband?"
I'm angry that the stupid chaplain at St. Mary's Hospital wouldn't GO AWAY. I told him nicely I knew his job, had performed it before myself, but that it would be better if he just left me alone. He followed me, followed me, followed me....until I screamed "I'M NOT CATHOLIC. GO AWAY LITTLE MAN!"  That, I have always felt bad for. I know he just wanted to help, but I asked him several times to just leave me be :-(
I'm angry that I still carry this anger!!!!

I share this, my anger associated with my PTSD, with you bravely.  I am on a recovery track. Talking about what traumatized the victim is part 1. If you are experiencing PTSD, don't be afraid to talk about it. It's all part of PTSD flare ups.

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More on PTSD

Originally published on October 18, 2011 on the old blog


Composed a bit more now, I'm ready to hopefully finish this PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) article. In the last post, debunking myths was my main focus. In this article, we will review the realities.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD can be triggered in anyone that has experienced a life altering event, unexpected shock (also referred to as shell shock), participating in body removal, recitation of sick or injured, unexpectedly witnessing flying, cut off, severed, or dismembered body parts. Being the witness or an active participant in any of these events standing on the sideline can result in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  It is common for police, fire fighter, EMT, military, and other professions of this sort to be traumatized by occurrences in their line of work. It is also common for suicide victim family survivors, and people that suffer from extreme anxieties to fall victim to Post Traumatic Stress disorder as well. As mentioned in the last post, PTSD does not discriminate against anyone.

Classifications:
Class 1 symptoms: the sufferer re-experiences the traumatic incident in nightmares & flashbacks. [This could be compared to a living hell.]
Class 2 symptoms: the sufferer displays avoidance. He/she wants to stay away from anything that may possibly remind her/him of the trauma. They may also display lack of interest to all life circumstances, like sights, smells, sounds, conversations associated or reminding them of the trauma. They could become unable to enjoy activities or loving/compassionate feelings toward loved ones. [This typically is the onset of anxiety disorders or depression.]
Class 3 symptoms: hyperarousal - Classic symptoms are being irritable all the time & an inability to sleep. [Again, anxiety and depression.]

Characteristics
Onset and duration of PTSD is determined by timing and the individual experiencing it.
Acute –when the duration of symptoms is shorter than 3 months.
Chronic –when the symptoms last three months or longer.
Delayed Onset - between the traumatic event and the onset of the symptoms there is at least 6 month period.

How someone experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder feels
Diagnostic criteria for Post traumatic Stress Disorder from DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) as sited below:
The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced in one (or more) of the following ways:
(1) Recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, including images, thoughts, or perceptions.
(2) Recurrent distressing dreams of the event.
(3) Acting or feeling as if the traumatic event were recurring (includes a sense of reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations, and dissociative flashback episodes, including those that occur on awakening or when intoxicated).
(4) Intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event
(5) Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness, as indicated by three (or more) of the following: 
-Efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the trauma.
-Efforts to avoid activities, places, or people that arouse recollections of the trauma
-Inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma
-Markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities
-Feeling of detachment or estrangement from others
-Restricted range of affect (e.g., unable to have loving feelings)
      -Sense of a foreshortened future
Persistent symptoms of increased arousal (not present before the trauma), indicated by two (or more) of the following: (1) Difficulty falling or staying asleep
(2) Irritability or outbursts of anger
(3) Difficulty concentrating
(4) Hypervigilance
(5) Exaggerated startle response

If you know someone diagnosed or being treated for PTSD Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, there are many ways you can help. But, telling them "it's all in your head" is the worst thing you could ever say.
Some people suffering from PTSD have taken their own life. Suicide is never a solution. If you know someone suffering from PTSD, be a friend. Don't push them over the edge.

There's more to say, but I can't write anymore at this time. Maybe tomorrow, there will be understanding people in this life.


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PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Originally published at the old blog on October 17, 2011.

PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a serious psychological disorder that can affect people of all ages, in all professions, from all ethnic backgrounds, at any point in life.  All people cope with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in different ways. Unfortunately almost my whole family has been through this, and some of us are still actively facing it.
Two years ago, I began my personal struggle with PTSD.  Two of my girls went through a mild case of it for a year. Now, my oldest son has spoken out about his. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not hereditary. It's not a recessive gene, and when someone suffers from it they are not just putting on a show for attention.
The definition of PTSD (according to our therapist) is:

a psychological reaction that occurs after experiencing a highly stressing event outside the range of normal human experience.

It is usually characterized by depression, anxiety, flashbacks, recurrent nightmares, and avoidance of reminders of the event—abbreviation PTSD; called also delayed-stress disorder, delayed-stress syndrome, post-traumatic stress syndrome.

Since dealing with this for quiet some time, I've noticed that many people have little compassion for or extreme lack of understanding of this disorder.
Let's debunk some myths:

1. PTSD is only experienced by veterans of war, prisoners of war, or sexual assault victims.
              This is far from the truth. Anyone can be traumatized by any number of events.
2. PTSD only occurs in adults.
               Another myth, PTSD is not age discriminative. Children as young as 16 months have been diagnosed.
3. People like to say they have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because they want attention.
                Nothing could be further from the truth. A victim of PTSD can't speak freely about the event. It triggers the brain to play the traumatic event out in their head, like a movie, over again. This can lead to anxiety.
4. PTSD will appear immediately after a traumatic event.
                False. Since people with post traumatic stress disorder will avoid places, smells, foods, times of day, or even seasons in parts of a city or county - PTSD can flare up at any time. This could be years after the event.
5. People with PTSD are just crazy.
                     Uneducated myth. PTSD is not associated with psychosis.
6. People coping with PTSD are all doped up.
                 False. Medications are sometimes prescribed to help with depression associated with PTSD, but not everyone suffering from PTSD is taking medication.

:-( I will finish this entry later. I can't write anymore right now about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, excuse me...
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The Re-Adjuster

Originally published on September 25, 2011 on the old blog



I received a call last week from a man called a re-adjuster. He apologized that my home owner's insurance had not followed up on my claim for storm damage that occurred back in April/May/June. He proceeded to explain that he was summoned to correct mistakes made by the insurance company.

I've thought a lot about what he said he does -being a Re-adjuster. It all seems so relevant as these thoughts race through my mind. Sometimes, we need a re-adjuster to intervene in our lives. When we get so deep into a situation or circumstance, we can't objectively make the best decisions, queue the re-adjuster.

Maybe we try to stand back, view everything from another perspective & make some personal adjustments. But, we can't always do everything independently in life.

It's just so very hard to accept help sometimes. That's my downfall. It's not pride, I have very little of that.  I just want to help others, not be helped by them. I'm certainly not above help, I just don't know how to act when it is offered to me.

Have you ever created something and asked someone for their opinion of it? It could be writing, composition, drawing, painting, molding, pottery, etc.  We do this with our life circumstances as well. When we create a bad situation for ourselves (such as depression, a bad decision, or something that blew up), at some point, we have to ask for an outside opinion after evaluating ourselves and attempting to adjust on our own.  Queue the re-adjuster!

God the Father, his son Jesus, & the Holy Spirit comforts us through Faith by Grace. And... they've been known to use other sources to reach us as well:
A song on the radio
A pet that keeps up with our footsteps
A passerby that engages us in a quick conversation that leaves a smile on our face
A child's touch when we least expect it
That phone call comes through, just before we give up
Or the sky smiles down on us with a radiant beam, rainbow, or sunrise.
Sometimes it takes a re-adjuster to make us wake up, listen, and come back to this life.





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What Legacy Will You Leave?

What Legacy Will You Leave?

This article was originally published on September 2, 2011 here.

Last night my boys & I attended a funeral service for my Aunt Patsy. The minister spoke of how she was always smiling, the love she spread, protective nature, & her deep seated faith in our Lord & Savior Jesus Christ (the Legacy she Left).

I wondered how the funeral service would affect the boys. This was their first funeral service since losing their dad in October of 2009. It was difficult for them.

Aunt Patsy's funeral was totally different than their daddy's for many reasons though. The biggest reason being everyone in the family, distant or close, knew the status of Aunt Patsy's relationship with God. Her funeral really was a celebration of her life!! What Legacy Will You Leave? The boys' father very rarely spoke of faith or of any personal convictions for Salvation. When he passed, there was no celebration, only great sorrow. All hoped he went to a better place, but there was great doubt.

Aunt Patsy was full of life and the fruits of her faith were & are so very obvious!! Her Legacy was strong and prevailed.

When it is your time to part from this life, how will your obituary read? What will others stand around & remember about you? What words will they use to describe you?  

It all suddenly clicked for my boys!!

What Legacy Will You Leave?


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Footprints in Life

Which way will we turn next in our Footprints in Life? What direction do we want to take? What's around the corner? Should we worry about things that we have no control over? Should we spend precious time trying to figure life out? Why do we spin our heels worrying about how our kids will turn out? Why do we become consumed with ideas or thoughts?

In the long run, it doesn't matter which way we are about to turn or what's around the corner. Our Footprints in Life are measured not by our own eyes.

There is no need to worry over things which we have no control.
If we spend precious time trying to figure life out, we miss the here and now.

We can't worry how our children will turn out. We must simply put our best effort in to leading by example, not just leading by words. Our examples will been seen in our Footprints in Life.

We must not allow ourselves to become obsessed by any one thought or idea. Lest we find ourselves stuck in an alternate reality, ever missing the present.

Be still. See with new eyes.
Quiet. Hear with new ears.
Observe.
Take in every moment that God the Father gives us and cherish the amazing favor he has granted us each day.

We have no promise of tomorrow.
We have no bargaining power over life.
When a door closes, a window opens.
The cup is half full, not half empty.
We are resilient creatures, fully capable of healing, regenerating, and restoring  mentally and physically. 

To read the rest of this article, click here.