A Beautiful Hike - House Mountain

 This article was originally published on November 13, 2011 on the old blog


Let's go back in time a tad so I can share A beautiful Hike up House Mountain. We actually hiked this mountain twice in October. I'll share the second hike in a different post.

The first hike was with my oldest son. It was just the two of us hiking the moderately difficult trail to the tiptop of House Mountain.  That was on October 23rd. This date was relevant to the PTSD Flare Ups he was dealing with, so I wanted him to get out of the house. My youngest son didn't make this adventure with us. He was with his youngest sister.

Since it was already October, we had already experienced at least two overnight frosts, the trees were in their beautiful changing patterns. Pictures depict A beautiful Hike up House Mountain much better than I can describe with words.

When we got to the top of the mountain, my oldest son apologized for complaining the whole way up. He said that in his heart, he had conquered much more than the mountain, but couldn't share with me any details. He was, at this point, recovering very well from his PTSD Flare up.

Check out our pictures of A beautiful Hike up House Mountain :-)















Posted from WordPress for Android

PTSD - Positive Benefits

PTSD Positive Benefits are to be considered a blessing. It's all in the outlook taken on the subject.
It's amazing how PTSD affects everyone differently. No matter how it affects a person, there are positive side effects or benefits.

How can you make such a statement?
The negative reactions that occur from PTSD affect how a person thinks or perceives an item, issue, another person, time, season, smell, taste, and many other things. PTSD can cause skepticism, paranoid tendencies, and/or avoidance.

If the result of behavior (due to the items listed above) is a heightened sense of someone's surroundings, is that bad? Not necessarily since this can cause someone who was not engaged in life previously to become engulfed with it.

After dealing with the heightened PTSD in the horrid stages, there are parts of a person's personality that will forever be changed. These changes can be good.

Someone who previously lived a mundane existence of the day to day, can change their perception of what each day holds, brings, or has potential to become. The fowl of air have purpose, a hug from a loved on becomes standard at every meeting, & saying goodbye to someone as they leave to make a 15 minute trip down the road is treated like it could be the last.

Posted from WordPress for Android

PTSD Flare Ups (My Story)

Originally published October 19, 2011 on the old blog
Please know that it's been over a year and half since this post and I have healed now :-)

PTSD flare ups are terrible, but I'm dealing with it. My son is dealing with it in a different way. Tomorrow will be his hardest day. This whole week has been my hardest. Sometimes, when a person thinks they've made huge leaps and strides in progress, there are still flare ups. Someone with PTSD knows they have come a long way in their progress if they can talk about it. It doesn't mean the event is not as traumatic, but it does mean the brain has accepted a new neurological path to deal with it. The new path could be better or worse
.
What can trigger a flare up?
It could be the weather. 2 years ago today, it was raining on this same day, Oct 19th.
It could be a song on the radio that was playing, or something on TV, a smell, or anything really.

What occurs during a flare up?
Many of the same emotions associated with the traumatic event are experienced again in the mind.
Mine is anger.

What does a person with PTSD do during a flare up?
Each person experiences PTSD in different ways. Therefore each persons reaction during a flare up could vary drastically.
I close the door on the world, crawl into bed with my boys, & just exist. That worked in the past, but now that they are older, it's not cool to huddle round mom. I'm supposed to huddle round them. So...I will. I think I'll take my anger out on the zombies in their video games. 

Why experience anger? Why not depression or sadness?
Anger is an emotion that can be released during a sense of loss, hopelessness, helplessness, or could be a reaction to others misunderstanding of the circumstance.
I am going to lay my anger out in hopes that it may benefit someone else dealing with PTSD. Dealing with anger is healthy. Facing it head on is better. Holding it back, repressing it, or just rushing it to the back of your mind is what becomes detrimental to your health. What you read below I've undergone therapy for and do not have the rage now that I once did. This is the "I'm just angry/miffed" version with ALL rage behind me now (thank God).
I'm angry at the surgeon for removing a large unidentified mass from Nick's body in June 2009 during a simple umbilical hernia surgery...and NOT telling us about it.
I'm angry because that @ss could have biopsied the mass THEN, but DIDN'T tell us about removing it, that it was present or that he listed in the medical chart it had to be cut out from its existing mass.
I'm angry because this surgeon, Dr Kent, was so highly recommended by our primary care Dr (which I love and trust deeply) was a Jerkoff when he told us Nick had cancer.
I'm angry because that sh1t face little man couldn't face us with dignity and break the news to us....he processed us like just another number. "Hello Mr. & Mrs. Bruner. How ya doin? Test results are back and yeah, you have cancer. Sorry bout that."
I'm angry that I worried about my job so badly, I organized family to come from miles away to sit with him a few hours a day so I could work.
I'm angry that I worked long hours and extra days for too long and lost so such of the small amount of time I had with him.
I'm angry that I had enough dumb luck to reach a brand new employee at Knoxville 911 when I called for help!
I'm angry that the new employee said, "Ma'am if you want me to help you, you are going to have to go somewhere quiet so I can hear you."  I yelled back, "THAT'S HIM! HE'S MAKING THAT NOISE! HE'S TRYING TO BREATH! PLEASE HELP ME!"
I'm angry that the untrained employee at Knoxville 911 couldn't help me because he was looking up a script to read to me.
I'm angry I had to say my address 20 times and then finally throw the phone to my oldest son. "Talk to this idiot", I said.
I'm angry this affected my oldest son. I'm angry he had to help me lower his father to the floor so I could do CPR.
I'm angry because the fine outstanding folks at Rural/Metro Of East Tennessee took over 30 minutes to show up.
I'm angry that when they finally made their appearance, they drug their feet, moved slowly, and didn't even attempt to recesitat Nick for 10 minutes after they got here.
I'm angry that they had no professionalism in the least!
I'm angry that the "investigation" of the incident by Rural/Metro Of East Tennessee was swept under the rug and dropped with no answers, no replies, nothing.
I'm angry that my children cleaned up the materials left behind by the Rural/Metro Of East Tennessee workers. Why did my children have to touch needles? I don't remember what I was doing when they cleaned all that up or where I was.
I'm angry that the employees from Rural/Metro Of East Tennessee that were in my home, drug Nick on the floor by his feet. I'm angry that they strapped him on a gernie, took him out the door, loaded him in the ambulance and did not answer my question UNTIL I smacked one of them on the back of the head. "Where are you takings my husband?"
I'm angry that the stupid chaplain at St. Mary's Hospital wouldn't GO AWAY. I told him nicely I knew his job, had performed it before myself, but that it would be better if he just left me alone. He followed me, followed me, followed me....until I screamed "I'M NOT CATHOLIC. GO AWAY LITTLE MAN!"  That, I have always felt bad for. I know he just wanted to help, but I asked him several times to just leave me be :-(
I'm angry that I still carry this anger!!!!

I share this, my anger associated with my PTSD, with you bravely.  I am on a recovery track. Talking about what traumatized the victim is part 1. If you are experiencing PTSD, don't be afraid to talk about it. It's all part of PTSD flare ups.

Posted from WordPress for Android

More on PTSD

Originally published on October 18, 2011 on the old blog


Composed a bit more now, I'm ready to hopefully finish this PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) article. In the last post, debunking myths was my main focus. In this article, we will review the realities.

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD can be triggered in anyone that has experienced a life altering event, unexpected shock (also referred to as shell shock), participating in body removal, recitation of sick or injured, unexpectedly witnessing flying, cut off, severed, or dismembered body parts. Being the witness or an active participant in any of these events standing on the sideline can result in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  It is common for police, fire fighter, EMT, military, and other professions of this sort to be traumatized by occurrences in their line of work. It is also common for suicide victim family survivors, and people that suffer from extreme anxieties to fall victim to Post Traumatic Stress disorder as well. As mentioned in the last post, PTSD does not discriminate against anyone.

Classifications:
Class 1 symptoms: the sufferer re-experiences the traumatic incident in nightmares & flashbacks. [This could be compared to a living hell.]
Class 2 symptoms: the sufferer displays avoidance. He/she wants to stay away from anything that may possibly remind her/him of the trauma. They may also display lack of interest to all life circumstances, like sights, smells, sounds, conversations associated or reminding them of the trauma. They could become unable to enjoy activities or loving/compassionate feelings toward loved ones. [This typically is the onset of anxiety disorders or depression.]
Class 3 symptoms: hyperarousal - Classic symptoms are being irritable all the time & an inability to sleep. [Again, anxiety and depression.]

Characteristics
Onset and duration of PTSD is determined by timing and the individual experiencing it.
Acute –when the duration of symptoms is shorter than 3 months.
Chronic –when the symptoms last three months or longer.
Delayed Onset - between the traumatic event and the onset of the symptoms there is at least 6 month period.

How someone experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder feels
Diagnostic criteria for Post traumatic Stress Disorder from DSM IV (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) as sited below:
The traumatic event is persistently re-experienced in one (or more) of the following ways:
(1) Recurrent and intrusive distressing recollections of the event, including images, thoughts, or perceptions.
(2) Recurrent distressing dreams of the event.
(3) Acting or feeling as if the traumatic event were recurring (includes a sense of reliving the experience, illusions, hallucinations, and dissociative flashback episodes, including those that occur on awakening or when intoxicated).
(4) Intense psychological distress at exposure to internal or external cues that symbolize or resemble an aspect of the traumatic event
(5) Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the trauma and numbing of general responsiveness, as indicated by three (or more) of the following: 
-Efforts to avoid thoughts, feelings, or conversations associated with the trauma.
-Efforts to avoid activities, places, or people that arouse recollections of the trauma
-Inability to recall an important aspect of the trauma
-Markedly diminished interest or participation in significant activities
-Feeling of detachment or estrangement from others
-Restricted range of affect (e.g., unable to have loving feelings)
      -Sense of a foreshortened future
Persistent symptoms of increased arousal (not present before the trauma), indicated by two (or more) of the following: (1) Difficulty falling or staying asleep
(2) Irritability or outbursts of anger
(3) Difficulty concentrating
(4) Hypervigilance
(5) Exaggerated startle response

If you know someone diagnosed or being treated for PTSD Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, there are many ways you can help. But, telling them "it's all in your head" is the worst thing you could ever say.
Some people suffering from PTSD have taken their own life. Suicide is never a solution. If you know someone suffering from PTSD, be a friend. Don't push them over the edge.

There's more to say, but I can't write anymore at this time. Maybe tomorrow, there will be understanding people in this life.


Posted from WordPress for Android

PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder

Originally published at the old blog on October 17, 2011.

PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) is a serious psychological disorder that can affect people of all ages, in all professions, from all ethnic backgrounds, at any point in life.  All people cope with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) in different ways. Unfortunately almost my whole family has been through this, and some of us are still actively facing it.
Two years ago, I began my personal struggle with PTSD.  Two of my girls went through a mild case of it for a year. Now, my oldest son has spoken out about his. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not hereditary. It's not a recessive gene, and when someone suffers from it they are not just putting on a show for attention.
The definition of PTSD (according to our therapist) is:

a psychological reaction that occurs after experiencing a highly stressing event outside the range of normal human experience.

It is usually characterized by depression, anxiety, flashbacks, recurrent nightmares, and avoidance of reminders of the event—abbreviation PTSD; called also delayed-stress disorder, delayed-stress syndrome, post-traumatic stress syndrome.

Since dealing with this for quiet some time, I've noticed that many people have little compassion for or extreme lack of understanding of this disorder.
Let's debunk some myths:

1. PTSD is only experienced by veterans of war, prisoners of war, or sexual assault victims.
              This is far from the truth. Anyone can be traumatized by any number of events.
2. PTSD only occurs in adults.
               Another myth, PTSD is not age discriminative. Children as young as 16 months have been diagnosed.
3. People like to say they have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because they want attention.
                Nothing could be further from the truth. A victim of PTSD can't speak freely about the event. It triggers the brain to play the traumatic event out in their head, like a movie, over again. This can lead to anxiety.
4. PTSD will appear immediately after a traumatic event.
                False. Since people with post traumatic stress disorder will avoid places, smells, foods, times of day, or even seasons in parts of a city or county - PTSD can flare up at any time. This could be years after the event.
5. People with PTSD are just crazy.
                     Uneducated myth. PTSD is not associated with psychosis.
6. People coping with PTSD are all doped up.
                 False. Medications are sometimes prescribed to help with depression associated with PTSD, but not everyone suffering from PTSD is taking medication.

:-( I will finish this entry later. I can't write anymore right now about Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, excuse me...
Posted from WordPress for Android

Crossing the Mississippi

Originally published on October 5, 2011 on the old blog


Today's memories are brought to you by Adventurous Memories of a Nick, Larry, & Patsy. It was Oct of 1995, my boyfriend (soon to be husband and future father of my boys), his friend Larry and I made a trip to visit one of their friends living in Arkansas, Patsy.  Larry was home (KY) from the Army on leave, and the trip to Arkansas had been planned for a long time before Nick & I ever met. I got to tag along - cause I was the one with the car to drive. And hey, I'd never been out of the state for fun. First I got to meet Larry. We met in Middlesboro at Dunkin Doughnuts over coffee. Nick and Larry caught up on old times and I guess that's when I got my introduction as well. From what I can remember, I was pretty ditsy :-)

Nick told me Larry was always changing his look and declared that he had moved into the "Marlboro Man" phase.  He sported a cowboy hat, boots, and blue jeans. (This must have been a private joke, I thought. But after knowing Larry a bit more, I see what Nick meant by Larry's changing appearances. I like them, they keep life fresh and his wife now seems to love him this way!!)

So, back to the story, as non responsible adults, we had all neglected to check the weather before the trip.  There had been tornado warnings issued for west Tennessee, Arkansas, and other areas that we were oblivious to. On the long drive across Tennessee, we encountered high winds, heavy rains, and a great number of semi trucks driving very slowly. After hours of driving, we finally crossed the Mississippi river.
The bridge was huge, long, and just plain awesome. I asked what body of water we were crossing and Nick replied, "The Mississippi, of course." I was so excited! Larry was asleep in the back seat of my tiny Nissan Pulsar (that roared loudly with the muffler missing).

I'd never seen the Mississippi and just had to say hello to it! I rolled my window down, stuck my head out the window, and yelled as loud as I could, "HELLO MISSISSIPPI!" Rain water poured into the small car, pelting Nick, who was driving, in the face.  He laughed at first because I also drenched Larry sleeping in the back seat. Larry was startled awake by his sudden shower. LOL :-)  Sorry Larry :-)

After that little impulsive incident, my window was rolled up and locked from the drivers side :-(
Several miles later, I said I wanted to drive. Nick took the next exit and before I knew it, I was driving in Arkansas! Whoo Hoo!!  ...then...a state trooper pulled me over. He asked for my paperwork and then asked where I was from. I pointed down the road from whence we came and said, "From back 'air. Have you ever heared of a place called Knoxville? Well, if you go straight through downtown, the continue down Broadway and then Fountain City...". The officer raised his hand to stop my chatter and said, "Okay, where are you going in this tornado?"  At this point the officer thought I was mentally challenged and asked Nick to drive.

We made it to Jonesboro, AR in one piece with a police escort and the town was flooded. The low riding Nissan we were in amazingly plowed through water that came up to the door handle. I remember lifting my feet off the floorboard of the car - as if it would help, LOL!

We made it to Patsy's house safely, but that ride was totally amazing along the way!
Maybe I'll tell you about Beale Street and Graceland in the next edition of Adventurous Memories of a Nick, Larry, & Patsy :-)


Posted from WordPress for Android

The Re-Adjuster

Originally published on September 25, 2011 on the old blog



I received a call last week from a man called a re-adjuster. He apologized that my home owner's insurance had not followed up on my claim for storm damage that occurred back in April/May/June. He proceeded to explain that he was summoned to correct mistakes made by the insurance company.

I've thought a lot about what he said he does -being a Re-adjuster. It all seems so relevant as these thoughts race through my mind. Sometimes, we need a re-adjuster to intervene in our lives. When we get so deep into a situation or circumstance, we can't objectively make the best decisions, queue the re-adjuster.

Maybe we try to stand back, view everything from another perspective & make some personal adjustments. But, we can't always do everything independently in life.

It's just so very hard to accept help sometimes. That's my downfall. It's not pride, I have very little of that.  I just want to help others, not be helped by them. I'm certainly not above help, I just don't know how to act when it is offered to me.

Have you ever created something and asked someone for their opinion of it? It could be writing, composition, drawing, painting, molding, pottery, etc.  We do this with our life circumstances as well. When we create a bad situation for ourselves (such as depression, a bad decision, or something that blew up), at some point, we have to ask for an outside opinion after evaluating ourselves and attempting to adjust on our own.  Queue the re-adjuster!

God the Father, his son Jesus, & the Holy Spirit comforts us through Faith by Grace. And... they've been known to use other sources to reach us as well:
A song on the radio
A pet that keeps up with our footsteps
A passerby that engages us in a quick conversation that leaves a smile on our face
A child's touch when we least expect it
That phone call comes through, just before we give up
Or the sky smiles down on us with a radiant beam, rainbow, or sunrise.
Sometimes it takes a re-adjuster to make us wake up, listen, and come back to this life.





Posted from WordPress for Android